there is a butcher named jon that works out of the safeway near my home
he has beautiful rosy cheeks, smooth skin, wears a baseball hat with emblem, crisp white shirt and red tie
he is in his 80's

they tried to force him to retire
but he just kept on showing up for his shifts
refusing to leave

a master butcher, a christian, alive as a teenager

he likes to make grand announcements over the speaker
so that the customers will know that the beef rib is an excellent cut and on special

he cracks bad jokes, making sure to tell the punchline twice as he laughs
has memorized hundreds of customers names

how does he stay so young?
his memory is perfect
his energy, seemingly endless

he loves his wife
lifts his co-workers up with his enthusiasm for life


you can try to treat him like he is old
but he isn't

in fact, if you sit and have a half glass of wine with him
at the local pub
(he is considered the unofficial mayor of horseshoe bay)
he will tell the story of how he recently acquired a three quarters of a million dollar loan/mortgage, without any life insurance. He will have to pay it off by the time he hits 115 years.(he finds this hysterical)

he laughs
and blames his luck on god

thank you jon.

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave person is not one who does not feel afraid, but one who conquers that fear.
Nelson Mandela

waffles mangoes coffee lip balm daisies tanned skin candles floating in the ocean basil berries morning love baths dogs omellette with herbs windows

i am free and healthy

thank you legs
i walk through my favorite forest path
past berry bear poop
a white flower
canopy of green branches
the delicious shade

empty your mind and witness the mystery of it all.

i met a girl in a cafeteria
in the basement of the YWCA
Banff, Alberta
a town curled up
inside a rocky bedscape
Castle Mountain, Mount Rundle, Cascade Mountain
mountain after mountain after mountain

side kicks
i was at a house warming party over the weekend
my partner asked if he could "take a pass on this one"
so i went alone
and sat amongst a sea of couples

my very first side kick must have been
Tara Huggins
but i've had many:
Shelley Mulessa
Jennifer Dick
Karen Jubb
the list goes on

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH,
Jackie Herman.

I met this gal in Banff, Alberta
in a cafeteria in the basement of the YWCA
a hostel
and my home

i didn't like her
it was simple
she was too abrasive

a whilst later
i was in a mall sitting on a bench
or was she sitting on a bench?
she started the conversation
because that's what she would do
and said she had just had her hair cut
i said it "looked good"
she said "really?"
i probably said yes
and somehow from here
we became inseparable best friends
and I've never had a friend like her since.
maybe it was because I was 18
invincible
stupid
carefree
honest
brave

Jackie Herman was my side kick
or I was hers
and she changed my life.

Is it wrong for me to need a side kick?

I just am not as great without one
it seems


i have walked powerfully through life
because of them


when i was at the BBQ on the weekend
i wish i had a side kick

Thank you to all of my side kicks.

You had my back, I had yours.

Love,

i must be quick...

the mountains and sky are calling my name

today my father came from the island to have a birthday lunch with me
we are still getting to know one another
but what a gift
i am very touched by his efforts to spend some time with me

is it ever too late?

on certain days it definitely is

and others like today
i am just a happy girl who's father loves her.

bonnie prince billy is a genius
townes van zandt how do you do? and thank you
cocorosie for staying with me while i paint

see through seaweed
good books that take care
country market tomatoes turnip and gossip chutney

big chunky rocks that i may lean against by the sea

lobster heat lamps amber light on the hills the staircase to my home

howling along with my dog in the car

it's my birthday...thanks mother for birthing me!

lately I've been feeling an odd combination of ecstasy, wonder, joy, despair, rage, sadness.

it feels like an old part of me is shriveling up and on its way to Somewherelseville

or that the closedness of my heart is being broken open

finally

if it is this, it doesn't feel right
it's a terrifying shift
my metamorphosis

and I'm not even thinking about it really
what is happening is happening on a deeper level
and it feels intensely powerful

i am so fucking blessed it is stupid
i just wish i could love myself

an old old pattern
that has got to be unlearned

i am working on it

in the meantime i will remember to appreciate how full of love my life is

thank you for loving me

woke up early this morning and feel love radiating from me...

sorrow is just worn out joy