close your eyes and see me smiling at you

words about cars saying i love you

just finished the collected works of billy the kid by Michael Ondaatje

built a lean-to out of sticks and branches on the beach

can't see the dog
she has gone to lie down behind a large logs end

i move
from my blanket
and lower myself onto the stones
beside her

this blanket no longer seems so fine to me
i wish to be married to the earth without

an old fantasy expands
as i pee in the cave
I'll walk across Canada!
but first
release everything i call mine

they say we are being thought

i would like to thank my male companions
for gifting me with some of the most important lessons and experiences of my life.

abstract backscratch

today i told myself
i will excercize daily
i will give
and share love words with someone

i said i will work hard
i said come here doggy and kissed the dog
i sit in the sun
and waver between the sheets of work and pleasure and pleasurable work
coffee water
quesadilla with sour cream

orbits was on the scrabble board last night
the sheets are ripped
everything costs 50 bucks

beeping sounds married with the wind and bird call

the wasp wants to read my list

call people
don't take no for an answer

john malkovich is annoying
it's not his fault

the canoe pulls up and i hop in
off into the wild blue yonder
waves splash over the front of the boat
i hear a car pass
driven by a seal

oh the modern age is so agreeable

and sometimes there is just too much stuff and not enough of nothing

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver

this was my dilemma:
should i go left or right?

it is yesterday
i am in my car

i choose right and in an instant
caught in a terrible traffic jam.

a truck had flipped on the highway
it was recent and going to be a while

i tried to back out
turn the other way
but it's too late
several cars are already behind me

the other day i was picking up some printing in town
when a thought popped into my head

I had heard Jian Ghomeshi interview singer Bobby McFerrin on the radio a couple months ago
I was pleasantly surprised to learn that there was way more to this talented person than
the Don't Worry Be Happy song

I wanted to hear the interview again.

Yesterday, when i turned right and was caught in a traffic jam
I turned on CBC
the announcer introduced the archive of that very interview.

a 2 day read

just finished this book last evening

i was on the very last page
completely absorbed
perched up on the rocks
with the dog
paddling around
below

my head snapped up.
the last of the sun...

five, two and one
a cluster of floating birds

the tide pulls a large log free from the beach

and then i finish the book

everything i seem to read these days
all come back to the same theme
the big dream we call life
is all just a big dream we call life

and what stuck out to me was:
"when we are caught up listening to the voice of our minds, we are listening to death"

and i get that.

Saw Bonnie Prince Billy last night at the Vogue Theatre...

i love him
he inspires me
and makes me ache
for such free limbs and tongue

check out his duet on youtube of:
"you want that picture"
so sweet it made me cry

one of my oldest memories is one of my Auntie Laverne.
she was making us kids popcorn on the stove top but had put in too many kernels
so that the furious popping corn pushed the pots lid right up
until
the lovely white puffs fell down onto the counter and floor

i was looking up at this spectacle from the angle of a small child
pure magic and excitement.

today i shut up for a little while

lately,I've been missing out on the life-movie
unable to be present and witness the BEAUTIFUL

completely absorbed with my racing evil mind
not evil really
but fuck
it doth seems to be torturing me

today i shut up for a little while
and so did my mind

a baby seal stuck it's head out of the water
i examined a twig, it's tiny bleached body

when things are so loud for so long

it sure was nice

some quiet.

Mr. Rigler was our music teacher in elementary school.

He was strict and made it clear right away that he would not tolerate bad behavior in his classroom:

"...if I catch you doing that again...I will hang you upside down until the blood drips out of your nose..."

and would go on to say:

"that is not a threat, that's a promise."


But darn it all, he was so f'n fun.

I loved his class and looked forward to it.
He had a big heart and gifted us kids with his passion for music.

My favorite memory of him is when we would sing Neil Young's "Heart of Gold"...

...Keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.
and he would add:
thanks to Div.6

"A teacher of fear can’t bring peace on Earth.
We have been trying to do it that way for thousands of years.
The person who turns inner violence around,
the person who finds peace inside and lives it,
is the one who teaches what true peace is.
We are waiting for just one teacher.
You’re the one."

~ Byron Katie ~

i spent the last long weekend biking from horseshoe bay to salt spring island and back.

it wasn't my idea to do this.

i wanted to drive there
pack up the car
and languidly explore
the galleries shops and delicious west coast landscape

my partner wanted to do it by bicycle
and although the idea excited me some
it wasn't really what i wanted

we set off early in the morning and spent the first leg of our tour
pumping along a highway for 3 hours
while the local rednecks whizzed by at top speed in their beefed up trucks
the sun is already warm on our necks

silent cursing in my head

a short ferry to salt spring
and we are back on our bikes
riding up up up up up hill
and eventually down into

the town centre
for a short break

the riding part of this trip goes on
with many hills

my point in writing about this trip
was to express what an absolute joy and wonder it was to
bike and bike and bike and bike

i pull over to watch the baby deer nibble the grass

ride through a showcase of hippy dwellings and gardens
sun bleached hand made archways and gates

a soundtrack of birds and bugs
raven-song piping through the maples

the wild rush of wind after climbing a steep hill
the quiet

and food tastes ridiculously good after you work your ass off all day long

i may have dragged my feet
and protested
i don't want to do this!

but this trip was an incredible gift that i will never forget


thank you strong body
thank you jon

when your heart is sick with
wonder
at a long and lonely way
walk in brightness
'cause it's a new day

Mary Margaret O'Hara