the waves were breaking stuff up
washed out the sidewalk and rocks and puddles were scattered around
full of hounds with dirty mud socks chasing down balls
spitting white spraying the joggers and old ladies with toques and the wrong shoes for today

I'm worried about money
and found the perfect solution!
go hiking in the snow-sparkling bright blue gorgeous aching evergreen caveland
up in the sun pools act like a fool and drool like a dog in an ice hole chewing on a stick from gods handmade smiles wolf spackled eyeballs snowy sleeping bags for each hair on her face
and race down the hills with a stupid smile on your face
he asked as i whizzed by like lightning flies
how are you?
HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
i forgot to ask him how he was
words were dumb anyways
we were eating up the sparkling icicle tipped trees on my knees sucking at the tips crying thank you thank you

were was I?

he said he brought his wife to the ocean while she was undergoing chemo
to get their energy back
and i love that
to get their energy back i see the smacking waves sky bright smiles aching yes happy day
that's a good idea

i was eavesdropping and joined the conversation that had turned to dogs

but what i really loved was when he said she had passed away into The Big Surprise

sunrise comes out of my heart when i hear that

people are crazy
or this time of year can bring out the worst in folks
and the best
or that is the goal i guess

parking lots clogged and angry
line ups and nuts and smiles not in sight
gotta get them stuff and get home tonight
for to do a bunch of stuff for tomorrow and the next day

a lady in the line up said she wasn't gonna fight with no one
and that she wouldn't come out of her house after she gets home

my windows were steamed up in the car
and i walked in the rain with some dogs

i too am trying to get it all done it time
in time for the time when we do the thing and then
the next day
it is done

i'm not trying to be cynical
the underlying message and vibe i feel is goodness, generosity and expression of love
but i feel squished and rushed and confused too

white rocks
red socks
the sparkling lights on the tree

what a strange world sometimes

i saw a crow today
standing on a rock
with the wettest forehead
it was quite funny.

have you ever seen a crow with its feathers held down with water
sitting on a rock unafraid of you?

red

i grew up watching dumb movies
and Meatballs was one of my favorites
supposedly he's a cheat in real life
but i love Bill Murray always

grassy parking spot with bald tire tracks
pure whipped butter too much bacon
naps and crackles of the fire
bonfire so big
a wheelbarrow fulls worth of flames
fork in a sausage dropped in the ash
naked sauna madness
watching him dance sideways on the pebbles under the full moon
talking and laughing
stars sticks white rocks and endless layers of white waves coming towards us
a shell for the soap
i saw you play the thumb piano into the dogs ear last night
the door opens and closes letting in the cold outside
and now we are home
lights on shining down on the street our glowing home
our home
i love our home and all the stuff inside us

excited with fries

lavender short bread
afternoon naps
karaoke duet with a new friend
our favorite cabin in guemes
christmas cards in the mail box
baths with a candle and cedar oil
onions and cheese whiz
lavender short bread

death and love

there is a little photograph framed in tinfoil
it's Clarence Amos gardener Jr
he lived with me on oak st until i kicked him out for masturbating in the living room
or something like that
and threw a stack of Cd's at his head
luckily it missed cause i love the guy

i met him at the cafe Montreal
i was a waitress and he played guitar
didn't really have a home but loved the blues

he melted his buttons in my oven once
trying to dry his pants
after a long walk about during the winter
he walked a lot and loudly greeted pretty much anyone who passed by

Suzanne killed herself last Tuesday
after years of mental illness
struggling to beat the dragons and demons

I'm sure it was her that made the door drift open at the top of the service

i asked:
are you here Suzanne
and i hear yes
of course she was

eggnog logs dogs crackers and Hawaiian shirts
cat licking milk from a heart shaped plate
hot dates sleeping on the dryer
crying and crying nodding head
Irish accent
the lesbian minister
i liked her style

who brought open her palms just like in the pictures
summoning rays of intelligence divinity solar beams of magic
tragic loss

beards hand washing
correspondence with a girl in France
the last dance Hawaiian loveliness a kiss
last dance headbangers no friends no matter
fabric and fake flowers
burning my foot on the iron and soaking it in the shower
or the sink
and the lost babies

it's Christmastime
sweaters fire logs dogs on the bed
toques and sleds
and curled up in bed
with ice bags

oranges wrapped in paper

i miss her laugh

i am happy because i feel practically normal today
i took a walk
and made smiles with dogs
i have a good life
even if i keep fucking things up every other day

ghost house guilt tripper
cheese please me
water walker old tree baby greentree
ghost daughter
hanging in a tree
kissing streets
licking out your tongue at me!

he is yelling at me

and the lovely girl sings songs into our room.

firecracker

we love you wild woman
be at peace

radio
beer
beef barley soup
making fuck(as Harry would put it)
my spot in front of the fire

talking leaves

i love this man....

just wait stampede comin'

answer: falling be in line be a line go all the way be a lion line salt be alive be alive drive climb climb climb keep climbing higher higher keep up higher up on up step up go alone.

animal shamans

family

typewriter

reading suggestion: Jodorowsky's "Psychomagic"
and I wish to meet him in Paris soon.

dedicated to all you cosmic serpents

make love

cause that's what I'm about to do:

the virtues of eating herring:

you could say it puts lead in your pencil

aha!

it's

oh oh

i'm being attacked cornered

this beast has got me in a corner!

way yayayayayya de da

guitar strings trangle

and then some quietness

the dog licks her lips

the storm has the black branches jerking in front of the moon

our treehouse like a spirit filled pillow

caught us laughing at him
all bundled up in everything except pants

we take care of each other

love

soup and spiders

everyday eat garlic

each head
will
keep you
happy

cosmic joy

the humming trees. i found myself smiling when i saw them waiting for me.

sweet-heart

I am safe, I am safe.

ghost reindeer sleeping into spring
falling sleeves falling leaves from trees
fools rush in sleeping in a tree I'll cut my hair catch an reindeer
call off the raid ghost roots chewing dirty fingernails together
your ass was always so large
i saw it when you climbed the tree
and the boy was chasing you
really you preferred horses and trees
rolling grass into paper to smoke
cardboard sleigh blackberry spirals a tunnel into the low income houses
a disturbance

Halloween forest night canoe fetal petals needles pine canoe another place plastered wallpaper holly hobby dream i am in a canoe a woman being courted they wake me up for pancakes orange carpet pinching eye contact lucid child eyes hello mother wooden spoon rabbit coat hanger one one two three and four

A Japanese haiku; a student brought the master her poem:

A butterfly:
take away the wings
and it turns into a pepper

The masters response was immediate:

A pepper:
add wings
and it turns into a butterfly!

yes yes yes

Whamo!

talking to spirits without a shirt on

BANGO!

for the past couple months

i've been waking up at 430am

and stay awake for at least an hour

i drink a bunch of water

and look down through the window to the lit pathway

there is a shadow that looks like a cat

it looks like Pepper the local stray sitting in the light
in the quiet

my lover is beside me
his body is very warm
his breathing body

i kiss his back

sunshine meatballs please!

i've been fucking depressed today!

and on and off for a long time too.

the rain has been on full diagonal blast today

my thoughts are making me miserable with such subtlety
the sneaky undercurrent
pulling me under

the pumpkins looked happy
or at least jons did

sometimes it feels so false to be thankful
when the dark cloud is fluffing all over your head

but i had a beautiful weekend
played with clay
and laughed with my lover
went for a glorious hike
inhaled the colorful leaves
the mushroom characters

and the lake was so beautiful

this tea is soothing

i have so much abundance in my life
thank you thank you

and to Lea for motivating me with her sweet words

the story of my life

i met a woman
she lives in the bottom cottage yellow and blue
she read my energy today
she said it was bumpy
and then smooth
she said that i want to smooth it out
wipe away all the ups and downs

she said that i should meditate
breathe and meditate through my heart
to help me get unstuck from my
unresolved experiences

i told her the butterfly story:
i was 5 years old and had just started to learn ballet

the year end performance was developing
and my mother was given instructions on what to make for a costume

i went with her to the fabric story to buy the pink and purple taffeta
the silver sequins

i was fascinated with sequins
and had never seen them before
i was delighted that
these sparkling creatures where for me

i watched my mother sit at the sewing machine and work on the butterfly wings
until it was finished
slipped the elastic rings around my wrists
and flew down the hallway

i practiced my dance piece over and over
up and down our long hall
in the beautiful house my parents built

it is the night of the performance
my mother has invited my aunt uncle grandmother
my papa
and she and I are in the chaos of the greenroom

all ages of ballerinas with their parents
scramble around
preparing for the show

the time is nearing for my class to perform
and we go to get my costume ready

the wings are nowhere to be found

we searched within the madness of the room
an overflow of dancers and moms
the wings are nowhere to be found

my mother is freaking out
she puts me into the car
and races us back to the house to find it
it is not there

when we return
the dance had already been run


later we find the costume hanging on the back of a door that has been propped open

sungoggles

when i am doing this: absorbing sunshine

i am the happiest

and when i am eating

and making love

and laughing with friends

i love being an aunt

it is a gift being around children

shoots and ladders played backwards
naked giggling silliness

jumping on the bed

elsie and kashton show me how to let go again

when i used to touch cats

Dear Mother,

all is swell over here.

i am getting to know a few people in the Bay
One gal named Jill
who is so lovely
I think we will be good friends
we went for a 3 hour hike yesterday
to the top of Cypress Mountain

very very crazy beautiful
the colors the view
the air

still finishing off all the leftovers
and made lemony turkey soup with herbs yesterday
not jons favorite
but i like it!

lea brought the slides
she had scanned them
and brought me copies of the images on discs

jon and i took a look at them after they left
and it was a real treat

some of them brought tears to my eyes
like the one that had leas 1st bday cake on a table
in a very sparse kitchen with some balloons
and 6 dishes of candy all laid out

you must of put it all together and stood back to take a picture of it

you look so beautiful in the photos
your skin is so beautiful
and you look happy
and devilish at times.

when i looked at the slides i saw that you did so much to make life fun and happy for us....

some of my other faves where these shots of me alone out front of Derrek st. pre-landscaping
i am wearing a light blue turtle neck and slacks
and i am walking around sniffing a bunch of yellow flowers
it looks like i am unaware of anyone else's presence.

anyhoodles,
i know you already have forty zillion earrings....
but i thought those ones were really pretty


yours,
audra
xo

when i climb around in trees i am happy

i was sitting on the ledge above the ocean the other evening and looked out across the water
a massive school of dolphin were passing by in one endless undulating line.

divingdivingdivingdivingdivingdivingdivingdivingdivingdivingdivingdivingdivingdivingdivingdiving

i am grateful that i could see an old pattern come to eat me up this week
flowing in a rage towards me
you know those old patterns?

today i choose to step out of it's way.

my car died the other day

i was heading down the windy roads of west vancouver
towards my favorite beach spot
i went to steer the car around a lovely curve
but the car kept going straight
and a bonus!
the brakes weren't really working either.

with a little force
i was able to crank the wheel to the bend in the road
and started coasting down the hill.

i was like: hmmmmm this is interesting
like in cartoons
no brakes.

with luck
i managed to pull the car into someones driveway
blocking it
and stopped

oddly enough
the owner of the house pulled up a minute later
wanting to pull in

i apologized and tried to explain
she did not offer to help me
but looking put out
parked on the side of the road
and walked past me

i took the dog out of the car
and crossed the street into a sunbeam
and waited for the tow truck

an older woman was there gathering her garbage cans
i told her about my car

she stopped and looked into my eyes
she invited me into her home
she gave my dog a ball
showed me her garden
and shared some of her story with me

her husband had recently passed
after a long marriage

she said she was getting to know herself as an individual
for the first time

she was in her 80's, so beautiful.

Thank you Anne.

barking sphinx

today started off alright enough
swandered around with a couple dogs
thinking stupid thoughts
and feeling sorry for myself

someone had painted some logs
green crocodiles with stupid teeth
why? i have no idea.
i wasn't impressed.

but when i asked for water
a minute later
2 dishes appeared.

ruth called right after the mix up with my printer
i wasn't entirely happy
and she keeps doing so much for me
i said
"Ruth, thank you for all of your hard work..."
her reply
"It isn't hard work, it is a joy working with you."

I keep crying today.

guess it's the weather.

moonpressure

my dreams have been vivid and strange for the past couple weeks

lace
lots of dogs
deer climbing trees

i am with an old friend
he chooses to go home and eat fast food
instead of hang out with me
i don't want to be alone
he chomps away at his burger
ignoring me

i pack lace bras into a paper bag

There are deer climbing around in the tree tops
"Why are there deer in the trees? They can't climb trees!"

cheese please!

took the kayak out for a harvest moon cruise
one last paddle before we shove it under the house for the winter

two leopard seals rest on the rock island
their eyes follow us
but can't be bothered to get up
gorgeous spotted sausage bodies
black soft eyes

the water is smooth

perfect air

welcome autumn

mouth party

Jon bought a bunch of old cookbooks off the internet

curried tuna sandwiches

1 can tuna
1/2 cup diced celery
1/4 cup chopped almonds
1/2 cup flaked coconut
1/2 cup mayonaise
3/4 teaspoon curry powder
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon lemon juice

i plopped spoonfuls of this mixture onto warmed persian flatbreat with floofs of fresh dill weed in between.

stupid yum.

Big Boots

A friend of mine has breast cancer. She is a young mother of two adorable babes.

You know how life can flow around and sometimes cause you to loose track of friends along the way? I lost track of Karma. I haven?t hung out with her for years now, but I came across a site on Facebook called TEAM KARMA, opened it up and learned about her condition. I was shocked because Karma must be one of the healthiest people I have ever met ever.

I have two memories of Karma that, to me, describe what a special person she is. First was when she commissioned a painting from me to give her fiancé Trevor as a wedding gift. I was a fairly insecure artist and had never been commissioned before. I created a painting for her that she loved and it went on to adorn the wedding invite and wine labels. This project made me feel special and gave me the confidence I needed.

When Karma was planning her wedding she wanted very much to include her friends and family in the creative process, to make it an inclusive community event. She came to me and asked if I would sing at the wedding and I delightfully declined. I happen to know about 11 songs mostly by Gillian Welch and if I ever sang them I was drunk at a party or alone at my house. She seemed fine about me turning her offer down, but a few weeks later she asked me again. I declined. She asked me a third time and I think this is when I said yes. I performed with a friend at her wedding and it is a special memory that I cherish.

Karma got me out of my shell and appreciated my gifts/talents and I will never forget her for that.

Karma supports others and I would like to return her support by running for her awesome team at the Breast Cancer Run for the Cure event.

Please support me in my fundraising efforts to raise money for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation.

The Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation CIBC Run for the Cure is Canada's largest single day, volunteer-led fundraising event dedicated to raising funds for breast cancer research, and education awareness programs.

Each year, thousands of Canadians of all ages and from all walks of life unite to participate in the Run. Their reasons for participating vary, but they all have the same goal; to create a future without breast cancer.

Ms. Dick: funny, furry, full of puzzles

today i shared a plate of raw veggies with my dog Bella.

crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch

oops

Hello Blog watchers. My name is Jen Dick and a couple of weeks ago Audra called me to ask if I'd like to guest blog for her starting Sept. 10th. Quite flattered and drunk I said yes of course I'd love to and then I promptly forgot as I told her about how I had spent the last month completing a very difficult puzzle only to find that one piece was missing. It was a da Vinci, not the Mona Liza but another famous lady. The one in brown, a sketch, and she is looking down with a thoughtful gaze. The funny thing is that she is looking directly at the piece that is missing.

I still haven't found the piece, or the culprit that took it. Anyhow, I had completely forgotten that I had some writing to do. Last week my internet went down and I didn't bother to go to the Library or visit a friend to check my email. I thought it would be a fun experiment to be internet free as long as it took telus to send me a new modem. I hated it. I love surfing the net. I love my email and checking out housing prices in my neighbourhood. Today I got the internet back and have I've been on-line for three hours straight and I'm even thinking of joining Face Book.

The first thing I did on the world wide web was to wade through my email. I saw one entitled "dead meat," a reminder that I was supposed to be blogging. Excited and anxious I rushed to complete my first blog and forgot to say who I was. So the man in the previous blog is my husband Cam and he has never made a pantry for Audra, although I think he has made her pasta.

Love Jen Dick

Tonight we are having pasta!

This is Cam. He likes headlamps a lot. He also likes wine and boats and giggling. When I am hungry he makes me homemade pasta. When I am tired he puts me to bed. When I am sad he tells bad jokes. When I have no place to put canned tomatoes he builds me a pantry. Sometimes he makes me mad but mostly I'm pretty lucky.

still me here, but with a mask of cat

last night i danced on the bed in the motel 6 beside the taco bell

Madonna's Papa Don't Preach
and
Led Zeppelin's Whole Lotta Love

Honey, what city are we in?

Stanton.

waiting for ms.dick

today i saw the moon
a crescent facing a star
with a rainbow sunset curtain
behind the two

Guest Blogger Alert: pink flowers

My dear friend Ms. Dick has graciously agreed to Guest Blog for me whilst I am off frolicking in California.


Thank you and Hallelujah Pisces!

i am tired
i have a bed
i am lucky

that it is so easy for me
to place my head

Whatif by Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!