the story of my life

i met a woman
she lives in the bottom cottage yellow and blue
she read my energy today
she said it was bumpy
and then smooth
she said that i want to smooth it out
wipe away all the ups and downs

she said that i should meditate
breathe and meditate through my heart
to help me get unstuck from my
unresolved experiences

i told her the butterfly story:
i was 5 years old and had just started to learn ballet

the year end performance was developing
and my mother was given instructions on what to make for a costume

i went with her to the fabric story to buy the pink and purple taffeta
the silver sequins

i was fascinated with sequins
and had never seen them before
i was delighted that
these sparkling creatures where for me

i watched my mother sit at the sewing machine and work on the butterfly wings
until it was finished
slipped the elastic rings around my wrists
and flew down the hallway

i practiced my dance piece over and over
up and down our long hall
in the beautiful house my parents built

it is the night of the performance
my mother has invited my aunt uncle grandmother
my papa
and she and I are in the chaos of the greenroom

all ages of ballerinas with their parents
scramble around
preparing for the show

the time is nearing for my class to perform
and we go to get my costume ready

the wings are nowhere to be found

we searched within the madness of the room
an overflow of dancers and moms
the wings are nowhere to be found

my mother is freaking out
she puts me into the car
and races us back to the house to find it
it is not there

when we return
the dance had already been run


later we find the costume hanging on the back of a door that has been propped open