yesterday a local merchant gave me a cup of milk in the early morning
i had run down into the village to get some for my coffee
but found the corner store closed for another half hour

i happily went home for a cup
and then went to yoga

after class i took a slow walk home
through the sunny streets and then the forest
collecting wild flowers along the way
i wanted to thank the store owner

i looked for some lilac,
spotted a large bush and headed for it
as i got closer i saw an old gal plucking flowers from the tree
and asked her if it was her property, it was

i told her i was planning on stealing flowers from it and waited for her reaction
she understood and enthusiastically snipped at the fragrant purple clusters, handing me some.

and then she talked my ear off for an half an hour

she told me how her late husband was
"funner than a barrel of pickled monkeys"
and that she has
"had dogs since I was knee high to a grasshopper"

she had beautiful teal eyes
and was full of beans
i could see the little girl/woman/wife
talking to me through her 80 year old body.

she told me about her most favorite Christmas ever

she and her husband lived in California for 5 years
here, she invited a bunch of "orphans" from the local pub
to her house for a turkey dinner(the turkey was so big she could barely fit it in her oven!)
the only requirement asked of the guests
was that everyone bring a wrapped gift worth no more than 50 cents.

i asked her what kinda stuff people got

tiny packets of Kleenex
a roll of string

things people could really use

a few things in this order:

1. going for a walk at 7:30 am
-this bird it is singing
-this bird stares up at the white sky
-this robin runs across the street, worm dangles from it's mouth
-a woman is kind and gives me half a cup of milk
-innocent streets, lilac, camellia, Bella pees in the dewy grass
-the layers of Douglas Fir on the hills surround me like a mother

2. my girlfriend was attacked by someone in the Seymour Mountains yesterday
-she was with a pack of dogs, they did not try to help her
-he threw rocks at her
-she fought him off and got away
-they still have not found him
-powerful Valerie would eat him for dinner

3. I ACTUALLY FEEL GRATITUDE RIGHT NOW!
-inflated chest
-i feel like crying
-golden light between my eyes
-everything has the same name: beautiful beautiful beautiful

I used to practice Creative Visualization
i would write lists and stick collages on my wall beside my bed
Africa, my dream house, love, flowers, puppies, friendship, a van with a bed in it.

I would close my eyes and see myself doing and having everything that I wanted
Dream Job: creative genius idea person paid lots of money to play!travel!express!
Safari in Africa: dancing in a frenzy around a fire, sitting with elders, hanging out with gorillas
Love: a life partner, the person I wanted to rush home to, the perfect man for me.

Lately I have been very focused on what I do not want in my life.
I will focus again on what it is I do want.

I appreciate creative visualization.
and all the other stuff too.

Love,

please consider going out and finding a copy of this
moving
stupidly beautiful film

"the white diamond" by werner herzog

last night my head exploded!
i feel intense gratitude towards this filmmaker
and his efforts to capture the raw ridiculous perfection
of nature
and all it's insane creatures.

Come, come, whoever you are.

Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.

It doesn't matter.

Ours is not a caravan of despair.

Come, even if you have broken your vow

a thousand times

Come, yet again, come, come.

dishwasher, sisters, jungle-hue
the rolled up spinning top
of rainbow love in the belly
ibuprofen
sitting on stools shoulder to shoulder
robins and sparkles
waterfalls, streams, red fish and dreams
climbing stairs up up up
holding hands in bed
earplugs, pugs, lying naked on the rug
insta-fire
symmetry
chatty little birds
Sasquatch devotees, pretty words
pictures of lamb recipes
fresh herbs and throwing a feast
windows, neon sneakers
cat sitting still, corks under the speakers
tiny log cabin, ants, heating pads
talking to myself in public

once upon a time
there was a flower
i pull each petal out
he loves me
he loves me not

right wrong good and bad
hat tree tar shuttle fear monkey
apples sidewalk black ants
and poison
a child steals some food
it is illegal
but she is hungry
is it wrong?
is it right?

invention
words
apple monkey
are you thee?
not at all
does it matter to me?

i do not need these labels
i want to love you
as best i can
monkey tree
not monkey not tree
what you do is what you do
i may get angry
i may jump for joy
but i don't need to label it good or bad
and i'm glad
for that

flicking away the diamonds

hello and welcome to the gratitude blog that sometimes delivers and other times doesn`t.

today i am writing from my volunteer gig and this is the deal:

i ate an avocado
and used a cracker for a spoon...
peeled open the top and squeezed the bright green fruit out.
when i stopped and noticed what i was doing
i fell in love
delicious
complete
avocado thankyoucado

but wait there`s more...

thank you
love, connection, clean sheets and deep sleeps
hide-a-beds, small crisp cucumbers, chatting with friends and climbing trees
bare feet, monkey bars, bald eagles sitting at the top of a dead tree....
the list goes on and on and on

i am in love

stuffed animals
bacon
bluebells

The phenological definition of spring relates to indicators,
the blossoming of a range of plant species,
and the activities of animals,
or the special smell of soil that has reached the temperature for micro flora to flourish.


"because i like to rake the leaves
i like raking the leaves too!
growing flowers
and i like growing flowers too!
planting sunflowers
planting chocolate trees."

elsie and kashton on why they love spring...

we picked up
Terras ashes
a simple pearl urn
the lid taped down on two sides
inside of a box

we take her home
the kids want to look inside once more
and then i put the lid back on
the boy says he wants to say something to her
i lift the lid
"i miss you Terra"
the lid is put back
the other twin wants to say something too
"i miss you Terra, I love you"
and the lid is put back in place
he has more to say
i lift the lid
he lowers his little mouth to the opening
and speaks into the urn
to the bag of ashes inside.
" i love you Terra, i miss you"
and back to the girl,
words spoken into the vessel
"i love you Terra, i miss you"
we put the lid back on
and put it on the shelf.

yesterday i bought a piece of pepperoni pizza and a can of coke for $2.50.
I went to find a spot in the sun to sit and relax.
As i walked, balancing the food on a paper plate,
i heard a sudden force approach the back of my head
and whoosh!
a seagull grabbed my pizza and flew away.

this was a day like this

happy to be alive

for encouragement
acknowledgment

friendship

love and love and love

my lover is beautiful
i am blessed to know him

i am grateful for the love in my life.

untie your knots
soften your glare
settle your dust

Today I went to the corner store for some milk.
I picked up a big glossy magazine at the counter,
And absorbed the sparkly models and celebrities
Into my eyeballs
I said to the clerk,
“Beautiful people.”
He smiled and nodded.
As I walked out the door
I heard him say
“Also, you are beautiful”