lately I've been feeling an odd combination of ecstasy, wonder, joy, despair, rage, sadness.

it feels like an old part of me is shriveling up and on its way to Somewherelseville

or that the closedness of my heart is being broken open

finally

if it is this, it doesn't feel right
it's a terrifying shift
my metamorphosis

and I'm not even thinking about it really
what is happening is happening on a deeper level
and it feels intensely powerful

i am so fucking blessed it is stupid
i just wish i could love myself

an old old pattern
that has got to be unlearned

i am working on it

in the meantime i will remember to appreciate how full of love my life is

thank you for loving me