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yesterday i wrote about an interview i heard on the radio
a philosophy professor was talking about "The Stoics"
and their meditation practice
where you imagine the person you cherish the most
being gone.

i tried it this morning
and found myself weeping in front of the computer
in this cafe.

i found myself alone in a home with the very heart of it gone

i saw all of the things i complain about
transform into humorous cherished flowers of my beloved

memories came flashing
his softness his gentleness
slowly swaying together to jazz in the kitchen
his body in the washroom
so pink so present
his care his creativity

this exercise helped me appreciate my lover and reminded me of how very crazy much i love him
and brought me back to what a gift he is.